I LOVE YOU...... MORE!!!!!!!

This week has been interesting.  Four children in 3 schools with different start dates.  My high schoolers went back before labor day.  My 1st grader went back this week and I have one in Kindergarten who returns next Monday. As a result of juggling all these different schedules and that of my husband's many doctor appointments, I was graciously allowed to work from home this week. Working from home certainly has it's perks.  But, working from home with an active and precocious five year old can be challenging.  The first day I thought I could entertain her by working from our neighborhood library.  For the first few hours it went well, until I had to get on a conference call and she had to stop talking for about 45 minutes.  It was the longest 45 minutes of her life, and she may have blurted something out that came to her mind, but quickly said, "Sorry Mommy, I didn't mean it! I love you"  She tried desperately to please me that day that we left out with 5 books that I promised to read that day, and we stopped for popsicles.

The second day I didn't want to put her through such another restriction so we stayed home and I tried to get her settled before my hours of calls, meetings, and more calls, and more meetings.  When I would catch a break I had the pleasure of really getting to know Elisia better.  She is such an awesome and cool kid.  Her mind is full of questions and as she discovers the world and the fullness of it, I see transformation in its most innocent form.  Thursday I had a deadline to get a report in and I was having VPN connection issues, among other things.  I was getting frustrated. Elisia would play and she would pause and check in on me from time to time and say "I love you, Mommy."  I would reply with "I love you, more!"  That is what I say to all four of the kids, and its been my staple response since the first child could speak those words.  Elisia would repeat my response, " I love you more" as she would exit the room I was in.  Minutes later, she would come back in to repeat the affectionate statement, "I love you, Mommy".  And, I would reply,  " I love you, more!"  This goes on and on, and on throughout the day and as my deadline approached I began to feel like it was distraction, and eventually my tone changed.  But, then the whisper came.  Oh how I love that whisper that guides my life.  The holy spirit, the teacher, said,  "This is how I feel about you!"  And, at that moment my heart melted.  He loves me.

Jesus loves me.  Sometimes we get distracted of the fact that all he wants is a relationship with us.  All he wants is our attention.  Elisia, at only 5 years old showed me that she just wanted my attention like Jesus does. We want to make it harder that what it really is. It's really not that hard actually.  When we take time out to enjoy the presence of God, everything falls into place.  John 3:16, says, "For God so loved the world..."  But, in your quiet time, replace "world" with "me"  For God so loved ME!  And, even in my darkest hour he still loves me.  I am still the apple of his eye.

I put the laptop down, looked down at Elisia's big brown eyes, and face to face, I said, " Elisia, I love you more."  She smiled the biggest, prettiest smile and said "Mommy, why do you always say, I love you more?"  I said, "because you are the best 5 year old ever."  I told her to get one of her library books and we read the book.  I listened to her share her view of the world and love was everywhere. 

Jesus wants to be a constant distraction for us.  He wants us to take a break out of our busy lives and just talk to him, just to say, "I love you."  We come to him in times of despair and great need, and we know how to call on him when everything is going wrong.  But, he wants to be in everything we do.  He wants a relationship with us.  His bond is love, and all he wants from us is to acknowledge that love, every day, every second, every minute. 

When I went back to work that afternoon, everything fell into place.  The VPN was back up, the report was completed and submitted on time.  But, most importantly  I took time out to not just spend time with an really cool kid, but fellowship with God.  And, I let him know........

"Jesus, I love you, more!"

You're Not Invited

Recently my husband and a few members of my extended family were invited to a party, but  I was told by loving and awesome life partner who is a fabulous communicator (yes, I am being sarcastic) that I was NOT invited.  I could immediately feel the temperature in my body rise to a boiling point.  I was livid!  First, a feeling of pride.  Why would some one not want me at their party?  I am the life of the party!  I am the party!  After pride left, then feelings of unwantedness (if that is even a word) set in.  I felt wronged.  If I wasn't invited to the party, then my loving and awesome husband should have demanded an explanation and boycotted as well.  I wish I could tell you that is what happened but it didn't.  He, and the other family members went to the party.  And, I fumed for the next 18 hours in anger, hurt, and selfishness replaying every single instance of wrong that has ever happened to me. 

By the 19th hour, as I began to seek out God's love, and His patience, it became harder and harder to stay angry. I tried, but it just didn't feel the same.  As I asked God to give me peace he also gave me a piece of His wisdom.  The whisper came over me and I was reminded that as I want God to live in me, I have to see people through His eyes, not mine.  And, it was then that I let go of my issues, and said-- Anger, you're not invited.  Hurt, you're not invited.  Selfishness, you're not invited.  I didn't invite you, there is no need to RSVP because there is no room for you. 

God's grace is so awesome that even in my mess, he can give me a message to share with others. There are many lessons in this story, communication between spouses, setting boundaries, relationship lessons, and understanding how to show love. But, for me the one I learned rather quickly is how you can quickly overcome some true heart issues just by resting in God's presence.  You can not stay angry and hurt and mad when you are in His presence. There is no room for those issues and God. He is too awesome to dwell in such negativity.   If you want to experience all that God wants to give you, you must tell all the negative issues and things that are filling you up with absolutely nothing-- YOU ARE NOT INVITED!

Our lives have already been planned out.  All these heart issues, help us grow closer to him.  If we take each opportunity to learn and to grow we gain more faith and more confidence in what we are destiny is. 

We are equipped to show grace to those who may have hurt us, wronged us, said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing.  We have the power to show love when we are not always getting love back.  We have to show our light in darkness.  For when we do these things, we glorify the God in us.  

Whatever problem you are facing, whatever situation you want to be removed from your life, from your heart, simply tell it,  " I am sorry, but you are not invited."

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Stay tuned as I learn how to deal with sarcasm and communicating more effectively with my awesome husband.  Words have power!