To My Friend....

What do you say to someone that just can’t seem to catch a break?   What do you say to someone that is hurting and feels that everything he or she does is WRONG?  I have been running this Christian race for some time now and the more I stay in the word, the more my faith is strengthen but I can’t give quick reference guide scripture passages to a young 20 year old who just feels lost. He feels that when he takes 3 steps forward something always goes wrong and he takes 2 steps back.   I can’t give him subtle analogies and rhetorical questions of self-evaluation that I give myself. 

When something goes wrong in my life,  I immediately do my own self-eval to determine if I had any part in any consequence that I am dealing with.  9 times out of 10,  I didn't yield enough, I didn't surrender completely,  I wasn't completely honest with the situation, or I didn't give my best effort,  I didn't make the best use of my time.  Usually most of my bad decisions are poor money management, so I take full responsibility for those consequences.  Yet, God always delivers.  But, when I hear the frustration in a dear friend’s voice I just simply for a moment ask God why?  Why does she have to go through all this?  God, I don’t think her faith or her son’s faith is strong enough to handle another setback.  I ask God; please give her one enjoyable holiday.  They sure do need it. 

I think about the story of Joseph and all throughout the story, through each misstep, each setback, scripture tells us, that “the Lord was with him”.     I have to believe that the Lord is with my friend and her family. 

 I think about David and all his issues, and even when he failed, he loved God and God loved him.  His Psalm 138:8 reminds me,  “ The Lord will perfect that which concerns me” .  I have to believe that the Lord will make perfect all things that concern my friend and her family.

I think about Job and how he lost everything, but never lost his faith in God.   And, so once again I have to believe that the Lord will replace all things lost.   All those things that were meant for evil, God will use them for good. 

As I stand on my faith, sometimes it’s hard to express that faith when someone is at their breaking point.  I can offer a kind word,  a prayer, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent, but none of them seem to be enough.  

To my friend, whatever you are going through, whatever you are facing, the Lord is with you, he has heard your cry, he has pitied your every moan.  

To my friend, you cannot for a second get off course; you have to stay in the race.  You have to fight for your faith.    The bible says that those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.  

To my friend, remember that His grace is sufficient.    

To my friend, He loves you. 

She remembered what her Daddy taught her.......

One of my favorite childhood memories is watching my mother interact with her dad.  She called him “Daddy” in such a way that would make the strongest man melt to his knees.  Even as she aged she called him Daddy, and he answered so lovingly.  I see that same bond forming with my girls and their dad, and it makes my heart smile.  

I was born in Los Angeles, California.  My mother moved to the west coast in the late 60s and I came about 8 years later.  When I was six months old the car my mother was driving lost control and collided with oncoming car.  I was ejected from the vehicle and tore multiple ligaments in my legs.  My mother sued the automaker and after multiple continuances and trial date changes, the case was finally gone before a jury four and half years later.  Right before jury deliberations, the defendants came back with a settlement offer.   My mother’s lawyer advised her to reject the offer.   Six hours later the jury came back in favor of the car manufacturer.  Not liable. 

My mother was distraught.  She thought she was going to win her case.  She had plans with that settlement.  Perhaps, start a college fund for me, or pays off her bills, or take a vacation.   The money was spent in her head.  Often times we all make plans in haste before actually having exact facts.  Now, this blog really isn't about my mother’s reaction but the advice her daddy gave her when she made that defeated call back home to tell her parents she had lost the case. 

My grandmother and mom were on the phone for hours, probably replaying the events of the trial, both having an opinion of what transpired.  My mother probably felt she should have taken the settlement offer, because hindsight is always 20/20.   But, when my granddaddy got on the phone, he said, “Patsy, don’t count on anything, until it’s in your hand.  Here is your mother.”   13 words.   One small sentence.  My mother remembered that for the next 30 years.  In fact, that was the only thing she remembered of that phone call that day.  It was the advice that her Daddy gave, that she passed down to me, and that I shared with my family and friends.   As I told the story the other day to my husband Michael, I was reminded how my grandfather truly was meek and lowly, yet full of wisdom and strength.  I wish I could have seen then what I see now in my memories of him.  A lot of his traits came from Jesus.  My grandfather was a just man.   He was a good man.  I am sure he had flaws, for we all do.  But, if there was any one that tried  to always do good works, it was Raymond.    

Jesus loves us.  He loves everything about it.  He wants us to look at Him like we look and admire and respect the fathers in our lives.   God wants to be our counsel in every aspect of our lives.   The same advice that my mother kept close to her heart for years to come from her earthly father, He wants to give us daily.  

Having faith that God truly has our best interest at heart should always be in our minds.  He isn't going to take us down the wrong path.   The bible has plenty of promises of just the opposite.   He comforts us, loves us, restores us, molds us, and protects us.  

It is my hope that some of the advice I learn through walking and talking with Jesus; I can pass on to my children and they can share a story 30 years from now.  It is my hope that they feel inspired like I do now. 

Sharing my mess, becomes a Message: Transforming...

Sharing my mess, becomes a Message: Transforming...: I taught my first bible study lesson a few weeks ago! Wow! It was a journey to get there. I have been the Sunday school teacher for the you...

Transforming...

I taught my first bible study lesson a few weeks ago! Wow! It was a journey to get there. I have been the Sunday school teacher for the youth for a while now, purely by default. I reluctantly took on that task because I didn't think I would be able to plant seeds and nurture children so when they leave they have something to hold on to. I was sharing my fears with a friend who has recently rededicated her life back to Christ and is opening up the mysteries of His word and His goal for us. She too, could not remember much of anything from our Sunday school experience. I remember learning the memory verse, getting the gold star, singing in the Christmas pageant, and doing it all over again year after year.

 At some point that ritualistic approach wears off. There was nothing that caught my attention when deciding to study James. I just said his name. My first month in preparation, I was reminded of the awesome power of the Holy Spirit. I couldn't believe how I was going through almost every test found in this book all at once! Even as I was going through trials, He is still teaching and revealing himself to me. I believed I had to study James so in depth so I could understand why I was going through all my mess. A book I was commanded to finish by Easter was not done, the problems escalating in my marriage had not been addressed. I had to lose the one thing that I thought I needed to completely yield to His will. We had to go through some mess before we could appreciate the test! It was painful but necessary.

What I also learned in that period of testing and holding on to my faith is that my reluctance in teaching the youth was holding me back. Sometimes God puts us in positions to prepare us. During that season of preparation he is strengthening us. I would find myself heading to scripture to address any concern the kids brought up from week to week. I wanted to make the bible relevant to their lives so they didn't end up like me or Heather, feeling like Sunday school was a bunch of boring rituals.

By August it became clear to me that I was missing something from this entire Christian experience. I was missing the relationship part. I was missing the part that Jesus, in his power and might, simply wants to walk with me and talk to me like the two disciples on the road to Emmaus. These two men traveling back home after the crucifixion stunned and in disbelief of all that had transpired, almost missed the opportunity. Jesus was walking with them home and they didn't even recognize him.

We become distracted by so many things that we miss the opportunity to build our relationship. We have to stay focused on him. All he simply wants to do is share every moment of our lives. Years ago Cotton Incorporated had a slogan “Making cotton the fabric of our lives”. Jesus wants to be that fabric, carefully crafted and designed to receive the best prize----eternal life. 

I LOVE YOU...... MORE!!!!!!!

This week has been interesting.  Four children in 3 schools with different start dates.  My high schoolers went back before labor day.  My 1st grader went back this week and I have one in Kindergarten who returns next Monday. As a result of juggling all these different schedules and that of my husband's many doctor appointments, I was graciously allowed to work from home this week. Working from home certainly has it's perks.  But, working from home with an active and precocious five year old can be challenging.  The first day I thought I could entertain her by working from our neighborhood library.  For the first few hours it went well, until I had to get on a conference call and she had to stop talking for about 45 minutes.  It was the longest 45 minutes of her life, and she may have blurted something out that came to her mind, but quickly said, "Sorry Mommy, I didn't mean it! I love you"  She tried desperately to please me that day that we left out with 5 books that I promised to read that day, and we stopped for popsicles.

The second day I didn't want to put her through such another restriction so we stayed home and I tried to get her settled before my hours of calls, meetings, and more calls, and more meetings.  When I would catch a break I had the pleasure of really getting to know Elisia better.  She is such an awesome and cool kid.  Her mind is full of questions and as she discovers the world and the fullness of it, I see transformation in its most innocent form.  Thursday I had a deadline to get a report in and I was having VPN connection issues, among other things.  I was getting frustrated. Elisia would play and she would pause and check in on me from time to time and say "I love you, Mommy."  I would reply with "I love you, more!"  That is what I say to all four of the kids, and its been my staple response since the first child could speak those words.  Elisia would repeat my response, " I love you more" as she would exit the room I was in.  Minutes later, she would come back in to repeat the affectionate statement, "I love you, Mommy".  And, I would reply,  " I love you, more!"  This goes on and on, and on throughout the day and as my deadline approached I began to feel like it was distraction, and eventually my tone changed.  But, then the whisper came.  Oh how I love that whisper that guides my life.  The holy spirit, the teacher, said,  "This is how I feel about you!"  And, at that moment my heart melted.  He loves me.

Jesus loves me.  Sometimes we get distracted of the fact that all he wants is a relationship with us.  All he wants is our attention.  Elisia, at only 5 years old showed me that she just wanted my attention like Jesus does. We want to make it harder that what it really is. It's really not that hard actually.  When we take time out to enjoy the presence of God, everything falls into place.  John 3:16, says, "For God so loved the world..."  But, in your quiet time, replace "world" with "me"  For God so loved ME!  And, even in my darkest hour he still loves me.  I am still the apple of his eye.

I put the laptop down, looked down at Elisia's big brown eyes, and face to face, I said, " Elisia, I love you more."  She smiled the biggest, prettiest smile and said "Mommy, why do you always say, I love you more?"  I said, "because you are the best 5 year old ever."  I told her to get one of her library books and we read the book.  I listened to her share her view of the world and love was everywhere. 

Jesus wants to be a constant distraction for us.  He wants us to take a break out of our busy lives and just talk to him, just to say, "I love you."  We come to him in times of despair and great need, and we know how to call on him when everything is going wrong.  But, he wants to be in everything we do.  He wants a relationship with us.  His bond is love, and all he wants from us is to acknowledge that love, every day, every second, every minute. 

When I went back to work that afternoon, everything fell into place.  The VPN was back up, the report was completed and submitted on time.  But, most importantly  I took time out to not just spend time with an really cool kid, but fellowship with God.  And, I let him know........

"Jesus, I love you, more!"

You're Not Invited

Recently my husband and a few members of my extended family were invited to a party, but  I was told by loving and awesome life partner who is a fabulous communicator (yes, I am being sarcastic) that I was NOT invited.  I could immediately feel the temperature in my body rise to a boiling point.  I was livid!  First, a feeling of pride.  Why would some one not want me at their party?  I am the life of the party!  I am the party!  After pride left, then feelings of unwantedness (if that is even a word) set in.  I felt wronged.  If I wasn't invited to the party, then my loving and awesome husband should have demanded an explanation and boycotted as well.  I wish I could tell you that is what happened but it didn't.  He, and the other family members went to the party.  And, I fumed for the next 18 hours in anger, hurt, and selfishness replaying every single instance of wrong that has ever happened to me. 

By the 19th hour, as I began to seek out God's love, and His patience, it became harder and harder to stay angry. I tried, but it just didn't feel the same.  As I asked God to give me peace he also gave me a piece of His wisdom.  The whisper came over me and I was reminded that as I want God to live in me, I have to see people through His eyes, not mine.  And, it was then that I let go of my issues, and said-- Anger, you're not invited.  Hurt, you're not invited.  Selfishness, you're not invited.  I didn't invite you, there is no need to RSVP because there is no room for you. 

God's grace is so awesome that even in my mess, he can give me a message to share with others. There are many lessons in this story, communication between spouses, setting boundaries, relationship lessons, and understanding how to show love. But, for me the one I learned rather quickly is how you can quickly overcome some true heart issues just by resting in God's presence.  You can not stay angry and hurt and mad when you are in His presence. There is no room for those issues and God. He is too awesome to dwell in such negativity.   If you want to experience all that God wants to give you, you must tell all the negative issues and things that are filling you up with absolutely nothing-- YOU ARE NOT INVITED!

Our lives have already been planned out.  All these heart issues, help us grow closer to him.  If we take each opportunity to learn and to grow we gain more faith and more confidence in what we are destiny is. 

We are equipped to show grace to those who may have hurt us, wronged us, said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing.  We have the power to show love when we are not always getting love back.  We have to show our light in darkness.  For when we do these things, we glorify the God in us.  

Whatever problem you are facing, whatever situation you want to be removed from your life, from your heart, simply tell it,  " I am sorry, but you are not invited."

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Stay tuned as I learn how to deal with sarcasm and communicating more effectively with my awesome husband.  Words have power! 

A New Song

As much as I love writing, I don’t write as much as I should.  I get caught up in the non-essential tasks of life.  I cloud my mind with useless television programming because for those few hours I get to visit someone else’s reality, someone else’s fiction, someone else’s mess.  My mess has become so repetitive that sometimes I just want to wave the white flag and just ask for a new problem.  But, I wake up this morning singing a new song.  That perhaps, the repetition of such mess is due to my inability to break free from it.  Perhaps it is necessary to repeat itself because I haven’t learned from it.   

When I can hear God’s voice speak to me, I feel confident in knowing that I am walking the right path.  But, when the voice goes mute, I struggle with my believe.  I struggle with my faith.   I wonder if what I am doing is the right thing.  I heard him direct me a long time to write.  Yet, I ignored the direction and it has caused me to stay repetitive.   I want to sing a new song. 

 

When I hear God’s voice speak to me,  I feel so loved and blessed that he finds delight in me.   But, when the voice goes mute, I struggle with abandonment issues.  I struggle with my faith.  I wonder if what I am saying is the right thing.  If He really has sufficient Grace.   I want to sing a new song.

 

When I hear God’s voice speak to me,  I feel like I can do anything.  But, when the voice goes mute, I struggle with confidence.  I struggle with faith.  I wonder if I’m capable.  I wonder if qualified for the call.  I want to sing a new song.  

 

When I hear God’s voice speak to me,  I feel humbled.  I feel important.  I submit freely with a servant’s heart  knowing that this is the only voice that matters.  I can rest in His confidence that I don’t have to be anything else but me,  that all the gifts he’s given me is enough.  I just have to use them completely.   He will do the rest.  

 

I want to sing a new song.  I want to write something new.  I want to get out of the repetition of my mess, and just look forward to answering him and giving him my  best. 

 

I say YES!

12 years Strong

It has been almost a week and the shock hasn't gone away. In fact I think I am experiencing stages of grief. I have been down that road before. It is indeed a wake up call to lose something.  For a woman of strong faith, I definitely believe that loss of any kind is God's biggest attention getter.  After the week I had, He definitely has my full attention.  I spent the majority of my adult life at a job and within minutes it was gone, all of sudden.  I didn't plan it.  In fact a week before the big shut down, I really thought that we were turning around and that the worse was past us.  I spent the majority of adult life at this job.  It was more than a job to me. The people who I had worked with, worked for, laughed with, cried with, drank with, ate with, they had become my family. I went through a divorce, a second marriage, two pregnancies, a death of child, all at this job. I gained so much, learned so much, endured so much in 12 years.  I don't know why this happened,  but what I do know is that God doesn't make mistakes.  What I do know is that all things work together for good who love the Lord, and are called.. I was called years ago. He knows me by name. I stand on that faith as I look back on these 12 plus years. I am grateful for the opportunity to grow professionally. The experience I gained was undoubtedly immeasurable. But, this blog isn't about the company but rather the people that made the company.  I met lifelong friends here. And, I will miss seeing them and spending 40 +  hours a week with them.  I learned so much, gained so much, lost so much during my last 12 years. Now it's time for the next chapter in  God's plan. I walk in ordered steps following his word, abiding in his will. And even knowing the outcome would be the same as March 12th, 2014, I would do it all over again just to meet the friends I now call family!