A Legacy of Love

Selfish! Selfish! Selfish!  That's really the only way to describe my unintentional seclusion from family over the past 7 years.  Honestly, I have tried to justify it by calling it grieve.  It is my way of dealing with family death.  I am an only child who is the product of an only child.  Only children tend to be very sociable and have lots of friends.  Something my mother was and had, and many of the only children I know.  We take friendship very, very seriously and have decade long friendships.  Our friends typically turn into family. The myth that only children are spoiled is a bit overrated in my opinion.  Yes, I did not like to lose at board games, and I would get territorial of things if a sleep over lasted 1 or 2 days too long, but for the most part I grow out of the negatives of being an only child. 

My grandfather's youngest and last sibling living, passed away last week.  Yesterday we celebrated her 88 year life.  It was awesome.  Funerals in my family turn into a celebration-- especially if you have lived 88 years.  Aunt Minnie loved her family.  There was never a doubt of her love for you if you had the pleasure of knowing her.  She had a funny, corky kind of way about her.  She didn't let too many things bother her, and if she was bothered she never showed it.  I have this secret fascination with reading obituaries.  Even by knowing her all my life, when I read about her life yesterday I learned that Aunt Minnie was an Usher for her beloved Janes United Methodist Church.  She had been on the Usher board for many years and she took her service seriously.  As people came up to share their reflections, they repeated similar stories about her hospitality, and that of the rest of the Kinard Family.  Janes was a family staple.  All the Kinards in Brooklyn went to Janes.  Well, I can't speak for all, but all of my grandfather's siblings did.  They sang on the choir, just as I do today. My two older children are ushers in our church now.  We come from a list of servants.

I was introduced throughout the day in three ways. either,  Raymond Kinard's granddaughter, Liz Kinard's granddaughter,  or  you know Patsy's daughter, Shani.  I felt pride. I felt adoration for the lineage I come from. People embraced me not for the works I have done, or for the name I have made for myself, because honestly I have done nothing.  But, those before me have laid a foundation that for the last 7 years I have been too selfish to continue.  Every time I would go to a family function, I am reminded that everyone in my household as a child is gone.  I would spend the day in tears off and on.  I would enjoy myself, but I would have a sense of melancholy that it would take weeks to get back to my old self.  It is interesting how I was able to justify it and move on without a second thought. 

Over the last 7 years that Aunt Minnie lived in a nursing home, I would make several day trips a year to visit.  Along the way, my sister-in-law would come with me. The visits weren't as frequent as the should have been.  If I have one regret is that I didn't make an effort to see her more often.  She would share stories of my grandparents, mom, and other family.  Today I now appreciate those stories more than I did, when I heard them for the first time.  She was teaching me about legacy.  She was teaching me about love. She knew everyone by name.   After the funeral when we gathered in the small fellowship hall to eat, I made my way around a few tables to say "Hi", and cousins near and dear greeted me with open arms.  They asked about the kids, and said how happy they were to see me.  And, then my AH HA moment.  My cousin closer to me in age, than the others, said, "where you been?"

Where have I been?  My answer was-- under a rock, but it's time I come out.  He said yes! because we miss you.  I miss them too.  As much as I would like to stay in my own secluded world, I have to realize that my children will suffer from my selfishness.  My family has a rich legacy that needs to be taught to them.  They need to learn to appreciate family reunions and gatherings.  They need to get the same childhood that I did.  We all go through our issues as family, but love will always win.  Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Even as I continue to grieve for my losses, I am comforted by the love I feel when I am in the presence of family.  I am going to stop making excuses for things. I am going to come out from under my rock and stop hiding.

What are you hiding from?

~~~~Rest in Peace  Minnie Inez Upshaw~~